Sunday, February 03, 2008

How do couples get here?

It is my belief, once divorced and married for real only the second time, and based on the book, Will Our Love Last? by Sam R. Hamburg, that couples need to have a successful two out of three of the following agreements, or dimensions, in order to be happy:

Sex (frequency, level, desire)
Wavelength (morality, spirituality, politics, world-view)
Practical (money, neatness, schedules, home environment, food)

My husband and I have the first two in spades, although one or two aspects of the Practical dimension are sometimes treacherous for us, but we're getting better at understanding each other there. I belatedly realized that I had none of the above with my first marriage (that guy I married role-played being a liberal, among other things, for years).

I can't imagine how a marriage can work successfully when Wavelength, which must be the Arnold and Maria strike out, isn't working. I mean their respective endorsements are "100 years in Iraq," "Scalia," and "cutting spending" vs. "a change in military-use mindset," "Pro-choice," and "universal healthcare and environmental health investment." But according to the Will Our Love Last book, these marriages can survive. But how can Arnold and Maria not place top value on Wavelength when they are both so involved in politics?