Hello stranger,
The advice I have for you and your marriage requires that one or both of you surrender your ego. Much of what you're going through is probably echoing the relationships your parents had, and trying to fulfill missed nurturing from childhood. Admit these things to yourselves, nurture yourselves, and only expect love, affection, understanding and patience, but not repair, from your partner.
Love the truth.
Love yourself and each other even when you're sad, lonely, or in a bad mood. Let yourselves feel without blame, judgement, or assumptions. Recognize each other's emotions, give them the utmost respect, never dismiss them. Check in with each other often.
Admit your own shortcomings or hurts as soon as you become aware of them.
Admit what you want from life and with each other. If you share 1. wave length (friendship, family, politics, philosophy) and 2. practical needs (cleaning, furniture, condo or house, rent or buy) and 3. sex (frequency, similar desires, experimental level) you're great. If you have two out of three, you can make it! If you only have one, life won't get any easier for either of you.
With love from,
Divorced (we had #1 for a while, then he left), remarried (we could do slightly better on #2), and working on transcendence.
2 comments:
I am the happy husband in this relationship. I was 0 for 3 in my prior marriage (no wonder we split). My wise and wonderful wife gives very good advice - love is necessary and wonderful, but success requires the subjugation of the ego and a desire to LISTEN and COMMUNICATE about everything - truthfully. Acceptance of each other is a wonderful thing, including all emotions - good and bad. I only hope others can experience the wonder and gifts that my wife and I share every day.
Just wanted to say thanks for caring enough to drop a line to a hurting soul. Best wishes on your journey toward transcendance. May your marriage be beautiful and full of authentic love. :)
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