I haven't made a random observation for awhile, they've mostly been politics whereas my interests range from art to relationships (although these very often seem controversial!).
I grew up with a father who was unfaithful to my mother several times during my childhood and teen years. He was otherwise a good man, but he never apologized for this adultery to me or my brothers. I think he apologized to my mother, and this was enough for me for a long time. And I do forgive him, but it didn't dawn on me until recently (yesterday watching Dr. Phil) that he really owed his children an apology.
When I was a teenager, I learned from his poor example. I was defiantly rebellious and independent and when I made mistakes (some biggies) I did not understand or tolerate that I owed anyone an apology or even an explanation. I also felt that no one was responsible for me or my behavior but me, and therefore no one else, particulary my parents, should be notified, informed or consulted when I did something wrong. Having been brought up in a religious family (we were not spiritual by any sense), this was a very secular and fiercely independent view that I had of myself and my role in my family. It strikes me as very American, not that unusual, sad, and very disconnected from a sheltering family.
I hope my husband's and my child or children never feel this way. I hope that we will responsibly apologize for every wrong we do that affects our children, and that they will follow our example with others. I hope they will know that they will always have a very important role in the health and happiness of our family.
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