Gender hang-ups and real valentines.

My poor husband is subjected to quite a few men with bad attitudes about women. They tell him that once we have a child, I'll become this nasty, complaining, bitchy woman who dumps our kid on him as soon as he comes home from work. They tell him his sex life is over (I'm 5 months pregnant and nothing's changed yet--in fact--we just get hotter!).

I get told that he'll fool around on me when I'm *really* pregnant, and that I better put together a secret emergency fund for the day that he leaves me and our children to fend for ourselves. Whew!

We're nice people so I guess folks know that we won't kick their asses for saying these things. Maybe we should. The truth is that we're very humble about what we have with each other (not so much to each other, of course) and we see so few people lucky enough to experience what we are that we don't want to "rub it in." Maybe we should.

We've only been together 2-1/2 years, and we're still giddy, but we love each other so much that we deeply believe we'll always be excited about each other. We were ridiculed once when we admitted in front of a group of people that we are "soul mates." It makes us laugh till this day, because the people who ridiculed us (one "empiricist" said that the concept seemed "pathological") didn't change our minds and wound up looking quite cynical and mean.

I think that's how many relationships are though; the bonds between men and women are viewed cynically and often lack both trust and affection. When we are among couples who treat each other this way, we feel quite uncomfortable and very sorry for each member of the couple. My husband and I live with somewhat traditional roles (I cook, we clean, he brings home 90% of the bacon, and I'll be a stay-at-home mom), and this makes a lot of people think we're just role playing (especially me), or threatened (just as I can feel threatened by a high income-earning female!).

The truth is, this is the role I've always wanted: wife, mother, artist. And we talk about my husband's goals and life plan very often. It's not always easy "playing" our roles, but we don't expect perfection from each other and we forgive each other's mistakes and failings. We love our life together more than anything else in the world.

This Valentine's day, I hope every couple takes a look at how they treat each other. I hope that singles think about how they want to be treated, and how they want to treat their new loves. Respect, emotional communication, honesty, affection, trust, forgiveness--these things are so easily and quickly disposed of in our cynical, perfection-driven culture. We believe we have it all even when we don't (I've been there). It is so important for each individual to know what they want out of life, and what they need from their partners, and what their partners need. Those that do this on a daily basis know what it means to be a Valentine.

Peace